Bullying Isn’t Just a Kid Problem
When Students, Teachers, Parents, and Adults Become the Bully
When we hear the word bullying, most of us picture one child picking on another child at school. But after recently opening a discussion about bullying, one thing became very clear: bullying does not have an age limit, and it does not always come from another student.
Sometimes the bully is a classmate. Sometimes it is a group of friends. Sometimes it is a teacher, coach, parent, coworker, family member, or another adult who should know better.
And sometimes bullying is so subtle that the person experiencing it begins to wonder, “Am I overreacting?”
Understanding what bullying can look like, and knowing how to respond, is important for children and adults alike.
First, What Is Bullying?
Bullying is generally a pattern of behavior intended to intimidate, embarrass, exclude, control, humiliate, or hurt another person. It may involve a real or perceived imbalance of power.
Bullying does not always involve hitting or obvious name-calling. It can also look like:
Repeated teasing or humiliation
Threats or intimidation
Spreading rumors or gossip
Deliberately excluding someone
Mocking appearance, abilities, beliefs, socioeconomic status, disability, or differences
Publicly embarrassing someone
Using authority to intimidate or belittle
Encouraging others to isolate someone
Cyberbullying through texts, group chats, social media, photos, or videos
Constant criticism disguised as “joking”
Retaliating against someone for speaking up
Manipulation, coercion, or controlling behavior
One disagreement, correction, consequence, or unpleasant interaction is not automatically bullying. Patterns, intent, power dynamics, and the impact of the behavior matter.
When Another Student Is the Bully
Student-to-student bullying may happen in classrooms, hallways, buses, sports teams, extracurricular activities, online, or anywhere children interact.
What parents may notice
A child experiencing bullying may not immediately tell you what is happening. Instead, you might notice:
Suddenly not wanting to attend school
Frequent headaches or stomachaches before school
Declining grades
Trouble sleeping
Changes in appetite
Unexplained injuries
Missing or damaged belongings
Withdrawal from friends or activities
Increased anxiety, sadness, irritability, or anger
Asking to change classes, teams, lunch periods, or schools
Becoming unusually secretive about their phone
Losing confidence
Saying things such as “Nobody likes me” or “Everyone hates me”
How to handle it
Start by listening.
Avoid immediately saying, “Just ignore them,” “Fight back,” or “You need to toughen up.”
Instead, ask:
“Tell me exactly what has been happening.”
Find out who is involved, where it occurs, how frequently it happens, whether anyone has witnessed it, and whether there have been threats.
Document incidents, including dates, screenshots, messages, photographs, witnesses, and conversations with school personnel.
Then work through the appropriate school channels. Depending on the situation, this may include the teacher, counselor, principal, coach, administration, or district personnel.
If threats, physical violence, stalking, sexual harassment, or other potentially criminal behavior is involved, the situation may require additional intervention beyond the school.
Most importantly, make sure your child knows that asking for help is not tattling when someone is repeatedly being harmed.
When the Teacher or Coach Is the Bully
This one can be particularly difficult because adults in positions of authority are expected to protect children.
Teachers and coaches absolutely need to correct behavior, enforce rules, grade performance, discipline appropriately, and hold students accountable.
That is not bullying.
But there is a difference between discipline and humiliation.
Red flags may include an adult who repeatedly:
Singles out the same child
Ridicules a student in front of classmates
Makes degrading or sarcastic comments
Encourages other students to laugh at a child
Threatens or intimidates unnecessarily
Uses personal insults rather than correcting behavior
Deliberately embarrasses a student
Treats one student noticeably differently without reasonable explanation
Retaliates after the student or parent raises concerns
Makes a child afraid to ask questions or seek help
What should parents do?
First, get the complete story.
Children can misunderstand situations, and adults can make mistakes. One uncomfortable interaction does not necessarily mean bullying occurred.
But repeated concerning behavior deserves attention.
Document what your child reports and ask specific questions rather than leading questions.
Instead of:
“Was your teacher bullying you again?”
Try:
“What happened in class today? What did the teacher say? Who was there?”
Request a meeting with the teacher when appropriate. Sometimes communication resolves the problem quickly.
If the behavior continues or the complaint involves serious misconduct, involve school administration.
And remember: respect for authority does not require tolerating mistreatment.
Children can be taught to respect teachers while also understanding that adults should treat them with dignity.
When Parents Are the Bullies
This part may be uncomfortable, but adults can absolutely contribute to bullying.
Sometimes parents become overly involved in their children's conflicts and begin attacking other children, parents, teachers, coaches, referees, or school employees.
It may happen through:
Social media posts
Group texts
Sports events
School meetings
Gossip
Public confrontations
Threatening messages
Encouraging children to exclude another child
Posting humiliating information about a child or family online
Recruiting other parents to “take sides”
Parents naturally want to defend their children. But there is a difference between advocating for your child and attacking someone else's.
Your child's conflict does not automatically need to become your conflict.
Before responding, ask:
“Am I trying to solve this problem, or am I escalating it?”
Children are watching how adults handle disagreement.
We cannot tell children not to bully while adults are insulting one another in Facebook comments, gossiping in group chats, screaming at referees, or publicly humiliating someone with whom they disagree.
Sometimes the greatest anti-bullying lesson we teach has nothing to do with what we say.
It is what our children watch us do.
When Adults Bully Other Adults
Bullying does not magically disappear after graduation.
Adult bullying can occur in workplaces, churches, families, social groups, neighborhoods, community organizations, and online.
Adult bullying can be particularly difficult to identify because it is often disguised as:
“That's just their personality.”
“They're only joking.”
“Don't be so sensitive.”
“That's just how they manage people.”
Adult bullying might include:
Constant belittling
Public humiliation
Intimidation
Gossip campaigns
Deliberately excluding someone
Sabotaging another person's work or reputation
Using social status or authority to control others
Threatening someone's job or position unnecessarily
Sending hostile messages
Repeatedly targeting someone's insecurities
Gaslighting or denying obvious behavior
Recruiting others against someone
Punishing someone socially for setting boundaries
How should adults respond?
Do not feel obligated to engage in every confrontation.
When possible:
Be calm. Be clear. Be brief.
For example:
“I am willing to discuss the issue, but I am not willing to be spoken to that way.”
Document repeated workplace or organizational incidents.
Save texts, emails, messages, screenshots, dates, witnesses, and other relevant information.
Use the appropriate reporting channels when necessary, such as a supervisor, human resources department, administrator, board member, or other governing authority.
And understand something important:
Setting a boundary is not being disrespectful.
Cyberbullying Changes Everything
Years ago, a child who was bullied at school could often go home and escape it.
Today's children, and adults, may carry the bullying home in their pockets.
Social media, group chats, text messages, gaming platforms, anonymous accounts, photo sharing, and videos can allow humiliation to spread quickly.
Cyberbullying may include:
Posting embarrassing pictures or videos
Creating fake accounts
Sharing private messages
Spreading rumors
Coordinating exclusion through group chats
Repeated hostile comments
Encouraging others to attack someone online
Threatening messages
Sharing someone's personal information
Do not immediately delete the evidence.
Screenshot it first.
Block accounts when appropriate, report abusive content, adjust privacy settings, and involve schools or other authorities when necessary.
Children should also understand that forwarding, liking, laughing at, or sharing humiliating content can make them participants in the bullying, even if they did not create it.
What About the Person Doing the Bullying?
We also need to talk about this.
Discovering that your own child is bullying someone else can be difficult to accept.
The instinct may be:
“My child would never do that.”
Maybe.
But good children can make harmful choices.
Loving our children also means correcting them.
Watch for patterns such as:
Frequently speaking cruelly about others
Enjoying another child's embarrassment
Becoming obsessed with popularity or social status
Excluding others intentionally
Having unexplained belongings or money
Frequently getting disciplined for aggression
Showing little remorse after hurting someone
Using social media to ridicule others
Encouraging friends to gang up against someone
The goal should not simply be punishment.
Ask why the behavior is happening.
Some children bully because they are seeking power or attention. Others are copying behavior they see at home, online, or among peers. Some have poor emotional regulation. Some have been bullied themselves.
Understanding the reason does not excuse the behavior.
It helps us correct it.
Children need accountability, empathy, boundaries, and opportunities to repair harm.
Don't Forget the Bystanders
There is another group involved in bullying that we sometimes overlook:
The people watching.
Bullying often gains power from an audience.
Laughing.
Sharing the post.
Forwarding the video.
Joining the group chat.
Remaining silent because speaking up feels uncomfortable.
We should teach children, and remind adults, that you do not necessarily have to confront an aggressive person directly to help.
You can:
Refuse to participate
Sit beside the person being excluded
Report what you witnessed
Save evidence
Tell a trusted adult
Change the subject
Refuse to share humiliating content
Check on the person privately afterward
Sometimes one person saying, “That's not okay,” changes the entire atmosphere.
When Bullying Begins Affecting Mental Health
Never underestimate the emotional impact of persistent humiliation, rejection, intimidation, or harassment.
Pay attention when someone begins showing significant changes in:
Mood
Sleep
Appetite
School or work performance
Relationships
Anxiety
Self-esteem
Social withdrawal
Anger or irritability
Statements about hopelessness, wanting to disappear, self-harm, or suicide should always be taken seriously and addressed immediately.
Children especially need to know that being bullied is not something they are expected to simply endure.
Parents: Keep the Door Open
One of the best things we can give children is a home where they feel safe saying:
“Something happened today.”
Try not to react so strongly that they become afraid to tell you things.
Listen first.
Ask questions.
Gather facts.
Then act.
Sometimes they need us to intervene.
Sometimes they need guidance.
Sometimes they just need someone who believes them.
The Bigger Conversation
Bullying prevention cannot only be something we teach children during an assembly once a year.
It has to include students, parents, teachers, coaches, administrators, workplaces, families, churches, communities, and social media behavior.
We cannot tell children:
“Be kind.”
while they watch adults destroy each other online.
We cannot tell children:
“Don't call people names.”
while adults insult anyone who disagrees with them.
We cannot tell children:
“Include everyone.”
while adults form cliques and intentionally exclude others.
And we cannot expect children to know how to resolve conflict respectfully if we never model it for them.
Bullying is not simply a school problem.
It is a people problem.
The solution begins when all of us, children and adults, become more aware of how we speak, how we treat people, how we use our influence, and what behavior we are willing to tolerate.
Sometimes we need to protect someone being bullied.
Sometimes we need to confront someone doing the bullying.
And sometimes, if we are willing to look closely enough, we may need to recognize unhealthy behavior in ourselves.
Because raising kinder children begins with showing them what kindness, boundaries, accountability, courage, and respect actually look like.
Be the adult you want your child to become.
Bullying & Cyberbullying Resources
If you or your child is experiencing bullying, cyberbullying, harassment, threats, or emotional distress, you do not have to navigate it alone. The following national and Texas resources provide education, reporting guidance, crisis support, and information for parents, students, and educators.
National Resources
StopBullying.gov ; Cyberbullying Information & Prevention - Federal information for parents, students, educators, and communities on recognizing, preventing, reporting, and responding to bullying and cyberbullying. Their parent cyberbullying guide also covers warning signs and practical steps families can take. (StopBullying.gov)
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline - If bullying or cyberbullying is contributing to severe emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, or a mental health crisis, call or text 988 or use online chat. The service is available 24/7/365 and is free and confidential. (988 Lifeline)
Visit the 988 Lifeline
Texas Resources
Texas Education Agency - Bullying & Cyberbullying - Provides information about Texas bullying laws, school responsibilities, prevention policies, cyberbullying, and David’s Law. (Texas Education Agency) ; Texas Bullying & Cyberbullying Resources
TEA - Concerns About Bullying - A particularly useful page for Texas parents who need to know where to start when reporting bullying or cyberbullying and what options are available when safety concerns arise. (Texas Education Agency) ; What to Do About Bullying in a Texas School
Texas School Safety Center - Offers resources specifically for Texas parents, educators, and students, including guidance on bullying, cyberbullying, hazing, reporting, prevention, and Texas law. (Texas School Safety Center) ; Texas School Safety Center — Bullying Resources
Texas Youth Helpline - Free, confidential, 24/7 support for Texas youth, parents, and families dealing with conflict, crisis, bullying, family problems, or other difficult situations. They can also help locate counseling, shelter, legal information, and community resources. (Texas Youth Helpline) ; Call: 1-800-989-6884 ; Text: 512-872-5777
Texas Health and Human Services - Children’s Mental Health - Helps Texas families locate local mental health services and their Local Mental Health or Behavioral Health Authority. Families can also dial 2-1-1 for assistance locating services. (Texas Health and Human Services)
Texas Abuse Hotline - If bullying or mistreatment involves suspected child abuse or neglect, reports can be made through the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services. For urgent situations requiring investigation within 24 hours, the state directs callers to 1-800-252-5400. (Texas Abuse Hotline)
A Note for Parents:
If bullying involves physical violence, credible threats, stalking, sexual harassment, sextortion, sharing intimate images, weapons, or immediate danger, it may extend beyond a school disciplinary matter. Contact the appropriate school administration and, when necessary, local law enforcement. Call 911 for an immediate threat to someone's safety.
One Texas-specific point worth including in your blog: Texas law can apply to certain off-campus cyberbullying when it interferes with a student's educational opportunities or substantially disrupts school operations. (StopBullying.gov)
I think that last point is especially important because many parents assume, “It happened online and after school, so the school can't do anything about it.” That is not necessarily true in Texas.
